Part I: How Can We Help Each Other?

This week, I want to begin sharing a strategy that has absolutely changed my life. And it is at the foundation of all that I do in marketing and in business.

This simple, but overlooked, and misunderstood “marketing” strategy can do more for your business than perhaps anything else.

This concept is something that you already know about, but you probably don’t understand it to it’s fullest extent and are misusing and under utilizing it like most small business owners.

What is this all important strategy and skill?

Networking. Yes, “networking”. Now, before you tune me out because you think you already know how to “network”, let me challenge your “conventional thinking” by offering the following test:

If you think networking is meeting people to get business, you’re wrong. Keep reading. If you think networking is going to Chamber of Commerce or breakfast club meetings and passing out cards, you’re wrong. Keep reading. If you think networking doesn’t bring in massive amounts of business, you’re wrong.

If you want to understand how networking can do wonders for your business and your life, and you want to correct the huge mistakes you are already making, then read on.

Let’s start out with what networking really is. My definition of networking is…

“the process of building relationships with the mutual desire and intent to connect to others”.

In other words, it’s about building relationships. It’s not about getting jobs. However, many jobs will be the natural fruit of doing networking right. And I do stress right. When networking is done right, both parties should understand that it is a mutually beneficial relationship. Too many people approach networking with the “gimme some jobs” attitude.

And that my friend is a BIG MISTAKE!

So, here are your first 2 lessons in “Networking”.

Lesson #1: Become an Asset to Others Before They Become an Asset to You.

In his best-selling book Relationship Selling, my friend Jim Cathcart shares that the old way of selling was to get a prospect’s attention, build desire, and close the sale. Transactional business. No relationship. Transactional business is all about what you can get, without considering the truth of “give and it will be given back to you, pressed down, shaken together and running over”. This principle is ignored more than ever before today.

So, Jim spells out how in Relationship Selling you look for ways to become an “asset to others before they become an asset to you”. Here’s how that works. When you meet someone that may be a networking partner, instead of thinking about how you can teach them about what you do, be thinking about how you can be an asset to them first.

Use Dale Carnegie’s “emphatic listening” technique. Be very interested in what they do, how they do it, their family life (without getting too personal), their hobbies, interests, etc. Practice asking as many questions with interest as you can think of.

People LOVE to talk about themselves! Have you ever noticed that? So, keep them talking about themselves as long as you possibly can, all the while looking for ways you can be an asset to them, their clients, their members, their community, their church, their kids, their pets, their networking group, their home, or whatever.

After taking interest in them, and asking lots of questions (refraining from saying ANYTHING about yourself), they will eventually realize that they are just talking about themselves and that they haven’t given you your due time. Believe me, it takes some longer than others as you can imagine! The bigger the EGO and the less they understand the “mutually beneficial” part of networking, the longer they will talk about themselves. You can learn a great deal about a person with this simple technique alone.

My wife is a MASTER at this. She can be next to someone in line at the grocery store and know their underwear size before she checks out! Included in the package is a phone number, where they work, how many kids and pets they have, how many times they have been married, and what problems they have! It’s amazing and she is amazing.

So, once they finally realize that they are doing all the talking, and you are doing all the listening, something magical happens…

They say “so what do you do?”

There is nothing unique in getting asked this question, but the circumstance and the timing in which it is asked is incredibly important and powerful.

Here’s why…

There is something called the “Law of Reciprocity” which I am sure you have heard of. The Law of Reciprocity causes people to feel that they need to “reciprocate” or give back when they have been given something. You have just given them one of the most cherished gifts of all… an interested, listening ear.

Now, and only now are they ready to receive your valuable message. They are much more interested now. Why? Because you showed interest in them.

Lesson #2: My “Multi-Million Dollar” Networking Phrase.

Now that you have their full attention, you want to keep your goal in mind. Remember, that you want to be an asset to them. You have collected enough information to see how you can help them, but here’s the catch. If you just begin telling them how you can help them, another psychological trigger takes place. Without realizing it, their emotion immediately says “There’s a catch. What is it?” And they may not act. Internally, we know that nothing is really “free” and if someone wants to help us, there IS a cost somewhere, somehow.

So, here’s what to do…

Instead of saying “here’s how I can help you”, or worse “here’s how you can help me” (that’s a little selfish), let the person know that you have some ways that you can “help each other”. By being interested in them and being a good listener, and by presenting yourself as a worthy consultant in your field, any professional worth their salt will be open to that. By approaching them with the “let’s help each other” attitude, they will be more likely to begin the relationship with you.

After sharing what you do (more on that later – another HUMONGOUS mistake people make – introducing themselves the WRONG way), hone in on one of the possible “become an asset” items and say…

“For example, one way we might be able to help each other is…”

Example: Let’s say that they have a client list that is perfect for you. “I could give you some information that would be very helpful to your clients, and it would make you look really good. That would help you and of course as your clients learn about me, that can in turn help me as well”.

A mutually beneficial project that is a win-win-win.

You may not even go that far when you first meet someone. Instead, say “why don’t we meet for coffee and see how we can help each other?”

They will say yes, and you follow with “great, when is the best time to contact you?”

Now you have PERMISSION to follow up! The reason I call this my “multi-million dollar networking phrase” is because I have literally made millions of dollars with it.

It works.

So stop just going up to people and spewing out all the services you provide, and start listening intently for how you can “help each other” and you will find the “gold” in networking.

Next week, I’ll share an unusual but highly effective networking technique called “Building Psychological Rapport”